School Reports

I came across a list of Report comments made apparently in real reports, by real (if facetious and over-worked) teachers. Some are excellent.

-Since our last conference, X has reached rock bottom, yet has continued to dig.

-This student ought not to be allowed to breed.

-Unfortunately, X has delusions of adequacy.

-He certainly takes along time to make his pointless.

-Having set low personal standards, he consistently fails to meet them.

-Works well under constant supervision if cornered like a rat in a trap.

But, tied first place for my absolute favourite:

‘X has a photographic memory, but the lens cap appears to be glued on’

and

‘He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier’.

It reminded me of some the high (low?) points of my own teaching experiences. I recall the bother I got myself into by telling a mother laughingly that her son wouldn’t be the next Lynford Christie. She got very uppity about it, throwing words like ‘unprofessional’ around in the Principal’s hearing. Her son didn’t have the coordination necessary to become a golf caddy on the Crazy Golf course at Butlin’s (no offence if you’re reading this, and that is your chosen profession. I’m sure it can be very rewarding, and probably requires far more in the way of physical acumen than I am aware). You’re not allowed to be honest though, particularly in the private sector, where parents get referred to as ‘customers’ and the curriculum as the ‘product’. Perhaps I’d better stop there, as I feel a rant coming on.