Smile!

Such an innocent thing, a smile. So why the fuss? Well, it's not really a fuss, but it is something worth mentioning. For Europeans, a smile is fairly self-explanatory. We smile when happy, when moved and sometimes in sympathy. Not terribly complicated, though some may argue that I'm simplifying. Bear with me. (Call it artistic license.) There are nuances. In my experience the French smile is perhaps more seductive, or coquettish, whilst the Greek smile is either annoyingly superior or one of the most genuine expressions of emotion possible. Moving farther a field, I'd be compelled to say, and I apologise profusely in advance, that the American smile has been robbed of any sincerity it may once have had by the rampant commercialism with which it is inextricably bound. Massive generalisation? Yes, of course. (I have actually met some very sincere Americans whose smile is also sincere - the exceptions which prove the rule?)When you first visit Vietnam, you will notice that the Vietnamese smile - an extraordinary amount of the time. It is virtually a trademark of the country. Whilst it is universal, however, it is perhaps not universally understood. There is something specific, something incredibly difficult to pinpoint, about the Vietnamese smile. And if you wade into a conversation with Western assumptions about what a smile means, then you're in for a big surprise. (I'm not claiming to be an expert here, by the way - these are just my own observations, rules I have devised as a result of my own blunderings.)

With a 'simple' smile, the Vietnamese can show happiness, contentment, agreement, acceptance, anticipation, desire, and tolerance. The same smile, however, can show irritation, lack of comprehension, disagreement, discomfort, embarrassment, confusion, anger and the feeling of having been insulted. When you add to the equation the lack of English (theirs) and the lack of Vietnamese (yours) and subsequent over-reliance on body language, confusion abounds. A broad smile accompanied by a vague 'yes' could be saying, 'I have no idea what you want,' or 'Yes, I understand,' or 'Yes, I'm listening', or indeed, 'I can't help you and I'm not interested anyway - I'm smiling at you to be polite and I hope you'll go away soon'.

(It's worth also noting that the Vietnamese will rarely admit that they have not understood you: this is often associated with a loss of face. They will more likely keep nodding, smiling and saying 'yes' in the hope that (a) they understand something soon, or that (b) you give up and go away.)

Examples abound. If discovered in a little white lie, one of the many told for face-saving purposes, a Vietnamese will smile at you. You may anticipate downcast eyes, embarrassed silence or even a mumbled apology. Forget it. You are not dealing with like cultures here – not even close. The smile is the Vietnamese version of embarrassment. You have to unlearn your preconceived responses. This applies particularly to the workplace. From chastising underlings who have failed to perform to your expectations to receiving horrifically unrealistic work schedules and deadlines from superiors, you will have to contend with what appears to be - at face value – a wholly inappropriate smile.

It is generally true to say that it is not acceptable to display anger in Vietnam. It shows a loss of face and is embarrassing. (It happens, though, even between Vietnamese; don’t believe the guidebook which tells you otherwise!) It is helpful to know this. If you get ticked off by the bargaining, by the hassle from beggars or by the unique approach to driving in Vietnam, you may find yourself becoming short-tempered and displaying this. The Vietnamese will usually respond with a smile. IMPORTANT: This does not mean he is happy, or that he is laughing at you! It would be inappropriate to resort to physical violence at this point, irrespective of your gut reactions. What the smile actually means is that (a) he, too, is annoyed or, more likely, (b) he is embarrassed for you as you are losing face by showing that you are angry.

Similarly, nervousness is indicated by, you guessed it… a smile. Often the more nervous, the broader the smile. This is intensely irritating on the roads. Imagine the scene. You have just been cut up by an apparently suicidal young motorcyclist who is clearly blind, or deranged, or both. He does a violent wobble and manages somehow to stay upright, whilst you curse profanely. Attention, because the next part is important. He will then smile at you. He's smiling because he nervous and is effectively apologising, not because he's insane. Back home, this would result in instant fisticuffs. You are not back home. Accepting this is an art which admittedly takes a while to master.

Another possible source of confusion is that the Vietnamese rely more often on non-verbal communication than Westerners might. Where a Westerner might say, "Thank-you," the Vietnamese may well just smile. This is considered appropriate. In fact, over use of ‘thank you’ is considered a Western weakness, insincerity even. One should not expect a 'thank-you' for small services rendered; the smile again indicates thanks. If you receive a compliment, to voice your thanks can imply a lack of modesty - a smile suffices.

So, a hard and fast rule to help you overcome this confusion? I'll let you know if I find one...In the meantime, it's a question of familiarisation. After almost six years, I'm getting there. Kind of. But it's slow progress.

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